Accident Prone

My usual morning routine was turned into a fucking nightmare, and it's all Sonicare's fault!

If you don't know about Sonicare, it's a toothbrush that uses sound waves or something to make the brush vibrate. It supposedly makes your teeth cleaner, at least according to the box. But what the box doesn't tell you is that it also shatters your teeth into shards of pulpy enamel and twisted, bloody nerve endings.

Here's how it happened. I was getting ready for work and had just completed three of the necessary "S's" (Shit, Shower and Shave) and was starting on my fourth and final (Sonicare).

I think what happened was the sonic waves got juiced up by the AC/DC I was listening to on my stereo. All I know is that one second I was removing stubborn plaque to "Givin the Dog a Bone" and the next I was being tossed around as the brush jack-hammered my teeth all over my fucking bathroom.

Lucky for me my dentist was able to see me on short notice. He gave me a mouthful of temporary falsies and some good advice: Sue Sonicare for everything thing they got. He told me he gets more patients coming to him with the same story than he doesn't know what. A lot.

So beware. That brush is evil. And I will see my day in court.